Crimson

I look at the world, and it's a little less dreary today...my new surroundings instill me with a little more hope, and yet the race remains the sane....a chance, but out of reach. What motivates me? What drives the need to succeed? To come out of the anger and come into destiny's aura? Each day awakens a different kind of hope that maybe this day will be the day that life finally turns to the will of my choice. The mornings bring the sun, and with it comes promise....daydreams seem so real to the point that reality becomes a distant memory and depressions escapes me, if only for a brief moment. There is more to see, so much to do, so much to take, so much to leave, so many to inspire, so little to hinder. The cigarettes seem a little less cancerous, and quitting seems to be for those fear their imminent death at the hands of poisonous addiction. The hope is beautiful...it is why I can smile despite my own self-imposed sorrow. But why does the hope fade? Where do the dreams disappear to? They disappear to oblivion....murdered and left to rot by the decay of objective truths and circumstances. Hope is the sword that pierces the thick husk of despair, but alas is no match of truth. The truth of chances so minimal to those of us not able to seize our dreams, and capture our nugget of happiness, be it a small one. By days end, my hope has faded and all I do is gaze at the other nugget thieves around me. My mind tricks me with a jealous deception, engulfing me with envy at the disgust of the undeserving rats eating away at the cheese of success..they've stolen it. It was left for them to seize, but they did not earn it, they did not even want it. It was given to them and they take it for granted. They are happy and I am not..they achieve their dreams, while I am reconciled to dream about taking my dreams. It is when I sit down to reflect that I look up into the sky and am caught in the orgasmic trance of the departing sun...a gorgeous orb of crimson and pink lights illuminating the sky and setting it ablaze with colors of beauty that stop my heart. My eyes well up with tears as I watch it conduct its daily dance into the night....deep breaths calm my charred soul and the hope returns. If I have no other reason to continue to thrive, it is to see this wondrous spectacle of nature commence its heavenly journey in the universe. My hope has returned, and promises of a new day are created once again....but they will fade, and then they will return. That is a tortured existence for some, but is the only existence I have known...perchance this existence will be different one day...one can only hope.